Road To Nowhere

Hot topic of the day here.

And first joke I've heard on the subject. I thought if was worth repeating.

I called the Swine Flu hotline today but I couldn't get through... all I got was crackling!

Yesterday me and Cunning Assistant arrived at work looking like we were in a sad band, or the Littlewoods catelogue or something.

Me: bright blue shift dress, thick black tights and black shoes.

Him: bright blue shirt and black trousers and black shoes.

Naturally I banned him from going anywhere with me that day. We looked stupid.

But while telling someone about this freakish occurance in the kitchen, she said in her team they regulary have three people turn up for work in the same colour jumper. She reckons people get in sync. I reckon it's weird and I don't like it.

Anyone else noticed it?

Dear God, this is dark.

If the film shocks you it is in its low-key approach to a subject that is usually given such a dramatic treatment. Yes, this vampire film is peppered with flashes of horror - fleeting, almost beautiful and certainly haunting - but ultimately it's a very lovely, romantic fairy tale.

However, if the book, by John Ajvide Linqvist, is a modern day fairy tale then it is real old-school. The film is the story with the Grimm brothers treatment; gilded and romanticised. The book is raw. The version of Snow White where the wicked witch is forced into moulten metal shoes as her punishment and dances to her death.

The children we meet in the book are all victims of adults. Oskar, our hero, the boy who befriends the vampire child, is the victim of his parents' divorce: left vulnerable to bullying, the children who tuant him are, themselves, victims of ineffectual parenting. The parents are all hopeless and helpless, focused on their pursuit of some glipse of a happiness they dream of, unable to connect with their offspring and, in the process, suck the hope and humanity from their children.

Paedophilia and its vampiric effect on children it touches, also runs through the storyline - again not seen in the film. The human horror, the child crimes which seem to be so easy to take part in in this 1980s Sweden, are more shocking than anything Eli can do as a vampire.

And then there are the adult vampires. The monster that created Eli, the monsters he creates. All go to illustrate that, as monsters go, Eli really isn't so bad.

Do we all live by killing; metaphorically... slowly rather than physically? It's a depressing thought.

I haven't got to the end yet, but if I tell you I've read 500 pages since Saturday morning, you'll see this is a riveting read. And I still don't know how it will end with 19 to go. Hopefully well.... or at least as well as can be expected for a boy whose lost all connection to his parents and a boy who lives by killing.

Help me! I can't stop thinking about them, wanting them, needing them. Espresso frapaccino lights... I am hopelessly addicted.

It started only the other Saturday. I'd seen some lad mincing through Piccadilly station with one. It was hot.. It looked cool. I bought one on the way to the bus. It was yum. Like ice cream with kick.

And then on Monday I had one at Oxford Road. Gleefully sipping as I sauntered up the road, through the sunshine and the students and the diesel fumes, I knew it was too late. I was done for.

So the cravings have been nagging all week. Dammit, they're dear too. but aren't all the great things in life... (sighs, gazes out of office window, thinks about frapaccino).

Do you think they might sponsor me!?!?!?!

Hopelessly childish, but it's Friday for heavens sake!

CLICK HERE

With thanks to popbitch

I promised myself I would stop reading the Metro, but it is such a source of amusement on dreary commutes when all that stands between me and a coma is the Oxford Road station Antarctic micro-climate.

The Budget coverage was the usual hysterical nonsense, but my favourite observation from this bastion of rational political analysis was the effect on our country of mega-taxing the £150,000-plus earners.

Apparently, it's going to lead to a 'brain-drain'.

Hands up anyone who knows some brilliant intellectual, who lives in this country, who earns more than £150,000 and is likely to put their accumulation of wealth over their contribution to society. Whose buggering off to Switzerland (apparently earmarked as a likely relocation destination) will hamper the development of this country in any way.

Apart from all the suits, think of all those celebrities we could wave goodbye to. Come on, let's make a list.

1. All those bankers who caused the economic problems in the first place, bet they earn more than £150k.
2. Jonathon Ross.
3. All those premiership footballers who rake in the cost of a four-bedroomed house every month.
4. Chelsea. the club and a large chunk of the London area.

Any more?

Go see this film.

It is everything the critics say it is - and more.

Honestly, can't recommend it enough.

Acting; astonishing. Camera work; inventive. Storyline; compelling. pretty much faultless.

I will be reading the book next week. I'll report back if you like.