Road To Nowhere

For reasons that have not been revealed to me, I have been asked to be 'the voice' of our university's student admissions phone service.

Should you ring up it will be me you hear saying 'If you are a British or EU applicant please press 1' etc.

I have been given my lines to rehearse for recording on Thursday.

And, of course, I am curious as to why I've been asked. Perhaps it's because I don't sound like I work in the butcher's on Coronation Street.

Due to having had something of a transient adult life - living in Banbury, Manchester, Chester, Edinburgh, Costa Rica and then Manchester again - my accent is pretty vague, though I think I sound like a posh Minnie Mouse on helium whenever I hear my out-of-office messages. Someone once said I sounded like one of the Mitford sisters, but then she didn't like me much.

I'm thinking of reading my lines in the manner of Fenella Fielding. What do you think?

My colleague Shirley would like me to point out that the current works on our train tracks around Chorley are buggering up her journey home.

She used to be able to get a direct train from Bolton to Hindley, near Wigan, just after 4.30pm.

Now she can't.

Unless she wants to wait until 6pm.

Like the rest of us she had no warning and discovered station staff no better informed.

Expecting someone to wait an hour and a half, at a peak travel time, isn't acceptable really, is it?

Bless her, she seems to think Blogging has some sort of power to change the world.

So if you are reading, Mr Fat Controller, Shirley wants her train back, please.