Archive - Road To Nowhere

Post staying up late to watch Skins last night, then blogging about it, then lying in bed and thinking about stuff... well, it was maybe 1.30 maybe before I fell asleep.

So consequently, this morning? Perky? Umm... semi-sonambulistic kind of covers it. So much so, rather than climb three flights of stairs to my office, I took The Blair Witch Lift.

The Blair Witch Lift is generally all right going up. It's going down it takes on a life of its own.

You can ask it to take you to the ground floor. But it doesn't. it takes you to the basement. And it leaves you there. Usually when you've been working late and you know, pretty much, you're the last one in the building.

You can get back in. You can ring the little buzzer. You can try closing the doors and asking it take take you back up. Oh it will shut the doors. Keep them shut for what seems like forever. And when they open? you are still in the basement.

So you look around you. there's a sign that says 'Phone Security on this number if you need help'. But there's no phone.

It's emergency lighting only down there. Low level. Spooky beyond spooky.

Just for a moment that scene at the end of the Blair Witch, where the boy is standing by the wall, looking at it and the girl asks 'what are you doing?' and then the camera falls, flashes through your mind. You can try to forget it, but it's there now, looping, and your heart is starting to race.

And you know there's a stairwell but is it left and left and left again? You forget and so you open all the doors. And then you find the stairs.

But the security guard has seen your thermal image stumbling about and he's pelting down the stairs. But you're on your way home and you've got your ipod on and so you don't hear him until this great hulk of luminous yellow and black is thundering towards you.

And so you scream and scream and scream. And the security guard says:
'Ay up love, you set the alarms off.'

And mentally you cross off another of your nine lives.