Right, I can drop off now.

I slip into bed with my book after a nice warm bath in lavender oil and I nod off my 11.30pm.

And then - 2.30am - awake again. Like someone has screamed "up you get, lady" in my ear. Bright, wide, stark and clear awake. And so I stay, more or less, till the alarm goes off at 6am.

I am kind of used to it now. I lie there, passively, pondering verses of poetry I can remember... Lyrics of songs... Sometimes counting sheep wearing jerseys with 'zzzs' on them. But it is getting on my wick now.

It's making me a right bad tempered madam for a start. I've taken a voilent dislike to Ben Fogle and that's like hating puppies, isn't it? Well primarily I'm loathing that programme on BBC2 that's on at tea time where he takes a variety of people on lovely adventure holidays and they whine and bitch all the way there and and all the way back.

The script is the centre of my loathing for this programme. I mean there's 'top-spin' and then there's just taking the piss isn't there?

It's clearly made for some foreign market where it'll be chockful of adverts because every five minutes we have to recap on the 'action' in terms like:
* 'See how one of our team is struck by the potentially fatal, possibly lethal and sometimes deadly altitude sickness.'
* 'Will our trip be blighted by disaster as Joan takes a trecherous 25 metre slide back down a mud bank?'
* 'Can the team rally to escape the evil, vicious, man-eating rhododendrons that stalk the Himalayas in packs, creeping through the jungles with their big pink flowers, redolent of the Victorian garden?'
Ok, I made that last one up. Obviously no-one has used 'redolent' in a BBC narration since 1974.

What it should be saying is something that at least is half honest. I wouldn't mind if they at least faced up to the fact six people and a TV crew wandering around in the most astounding place on the planet still isn't that interesting. How about:
* Watch how the team act like a bunch of complete sissies when confronted with an iddy-biddy leech;
* Marvel at how inept people can be at putting up a tent, working together or showing any compassion for colleagues who are clearly very ill;
* Write to your MP in outrage that your licence fee is being spent taking people on holiday.

But no, we have to dress everything up like it's riddled with death, doom and destruction. Ben Fogle should know better - that's what's also annoying me, the fact he's willing to read out that rubbish.

And then they put it on at tea-time when I want to watch something interesting. Not something that should be hidden away at 4am for insomniacs who can actually be bothered to get out of bed. Hmmmm....